Pleasures Of Loving
We deal with common sexual questions, problems and issues; our aim is to reassure people that what they do in their sexual relationship is normal. We include questions an answers received by us in our practice as sex therapists. these questions reveal that even today, even when we are surrounded by sexual images on every side, there is still a need to educate people about the pleasures that sex can offer.....and because we believe that though all sex is good, it is even more enjoyable and pleasurable in a loving long term relationship, we have called this site Pleasures Of Loving.
PREMATURE EJACULATION (PE)
Knowing how to stop premature ejaculation is more about changing your behavior during sex and adopting a different mental attitude than anything physical such as popping a pill or using an anesthetic lotion on your penis.
It might be a bit hard for men who have trouble stopping PE to understand that the cause of rapid climax lies in over-stimulation, or more accurately, over-arousal, than in any physical issue.
But sex therapists have found through many years' work with rapid ejaculators that the quickest way to knowing how to control premature ejaculation is via a program of behavioral change in association with a different mental attitude.
What would lovemaking be like for her if you could control your ejaculation? Click here to find out. Basically men who do not know how to stop premature ejaculation are not making any changes in their mental attitude and behavior - the changes which would allow them to remain at consistently high levels of sexual arousal for a long time without coming.
There are several reasons for this. The first is that men don't focus on their own feelings and sensations, so they don't know that they are near to the point of ejaculation; another is that they don't know when to change their behavior (which generally means knowing how to slow down sexual arousal, and knowing how to stop getting stimulated while making love); and a third is that they simply don't know what they need to do in order to overcome PE.
Some people have reported that they feel their most powerful physical orgasms when they have oral sex because the stimulation of mouth on penis or mouth on the clitoral area is so intense. Others report that intercourse gives them their most satisfying orgasms because of the feelings of closeness to their partners. Yet other people report having their most satisfying orgasms through masturbation with a partner.
There are no objective standards for measuring the 'best' kind of orgasm and ejaculation.
How it feels best varies from person to person, and from occasion to occasion.
There is something which many people shy away from exploring and that is the risky subject of female ejaculation. I say "risky" because the truth is that people either believe in this or reject it out of hand. Yet it is a reality and men and women both seem to enjoy it. You can read about female ejaculate here.
Experience teaches people what they most enjoy. And while intimacy can lead to both men and women experiencing all kinds of problems during intercourse, it's notable that lack of arousal can lead to tearing of the delicate tissues of the vagina and penile sheath - which in turn can allow yeast infection to develop.
The redness and irritation of the skin when yeast infection strikes can be hard to bear. So I recommend a yeast infection home remedy, such as Yeast Infection No More by Linda Allen.
Before I talk about techniques of lasting longer in bed, it's worth remembering that there are many benefits to gaining ejaculatory control. For one thing, you'll feel much more confident about yourself as a lover, and probably much more confident as a man.
Your partner will certainly be very appreciative of the effort you've made to slow down and even stop yourself coming. And last but not least, your own orgasm is most likely to feel much more rewarding.
Now I should point out that stopping premature ejaculation and being able to last much longer – in other words having greater staying power – in bed isn't necessarily a route to a woman having an orgasm during sexual intercourse through vaginal stimulation alone.
It's certainly possible that if you make love for longer your partner might come in this way, but there again she may require clitoral stimulation either by your hand or her own hand, or from a vibrator to reach orgasm.
And it's also important to realize that for some couples stopping premature ejaculation is not an issue: if both partners are happy with the way the couple have sex, even if the man reaches his climax quickly, putting a lot of effort into trying to stop PE may not be worthwhile.
Finally it's also very important to remember that there may be some particularly personal factor which allows you to overcome this problem and exercise long-lasting control.
You may discover this by experience, too: I'm thinking of one man I knew who started climaxing very rapidly indeed in the final stages of a relationship.
When he got together with a new partner who he'd actually known for years, and between whom there was a high level of trust and acceptance, he found that he was able to control his ejaculation with no difficulty whatsoever. In his case, high level of trust with his partner was a key factor in making love for as long as he and his partner wished. You can read a lot more about this on the pages on this website all about premature ejaculation.
Sexual Problems You Never Knew Existed
Sexual problems take many forms – some of them rather unexpected! In this section we're going to take a brief look at some of the more unusual difficulties that can occur in bed for both men and women.
To start with, persistent genital arousal syndrome is something that occurs in women, and it results in them having uncontrollable arousal completely independent of any level of sexual desire. In fact, not only that, but the experience repeated orgasms, being in a complete state of orgasmic arousal almost all the time. Now although this may sound fantastic, it's actually extremely distressing, practically paralyzing in fact.
There are many possible causes, ranging from pelvic nerve entrapment to post–SRI syndrome which is something people experience when they stop taking antidepressants. Physical arousal can last between day in a week, and even orgasm doesn't provide relief as the symptoms rapidly return.
The next unusual sexual problem which you might or might not have heard of is sexsomnia.
It's a new condition – or at least, it's been recently recognized, and apparently it's a condition in which someone is completely asleep but still able to perform sexual acts. Various charges of sexual assault been levied against men who have sexually assaulted women, but have been dismissed after experts have claimed that men are suffering from sexsomnia. This comes under the heading of sex disorders in the category "you couldn't make it up".
More about men? Well plenty of problems here, when the normal ejaculation of a man reaching "the finishing line" during sex is completely missing. So it's as though guy has ejaculated – but there's no semen. But that's because it's been forced backwards into the bladder. This is what happens when a valve between the penis and the bladder doesn't function correctly. This "retrograde ejaculation" can be a side effect of medication, and doesn't really do any harm.
But more peculiar is a condition called
post orgasmic illness syndrome. You might be accustomed to sleeping after
orgasm, but this condition – unsurprisingly, perhaps, it's largely unknown
amongst medical professionals – is a rare condition in which men get flu-like
symptoms, including runny nose, burning eyes, extreme fatigue, and fever,
immediately after ejaculating.
And now phimosis. Now strangely enough, this is another problem affecting men – it's a condition where the foreskin is too tight to be pulled back over the head of the penis, and sex becomes excruciatingly painful if the condition is severe. Circumcision is the usual cure for this – a dramatic problem, and a dramatic solution.
The final issue is fat sex. People wonder how it's possible for a big, even obese woman to have sex with a much smaller partner. Here's the answer.
The interesting question here is first of all that most men who have sex with that women are actually really into fat women. And fat women who try and hide the fact are doing themselves a disservice. You might not like the idea that you are a sex object – the object of a man's desire for sexual interaction with fat women, but then isn't that how most sex works, most of the time, in one way or another?
The problem really here is that women are brought up to believe that fat bodies are not sexy, and that programming can play out as an unsatisfactory sexual experience for both partners. This may result in endless dieting...diet and exercise may not be the cure for fat people! Acceptance might be a better solution.
So here the issue is that the woman really does have to trust that she is attractive to a man when he wants to have sex with her. Psychology aside, the important thing to remember is that not all positions will work for fat people. It's necessary to find a way of having sex comfortably, but the best positions are undoubtedly missionary, the woman on top, and doggy style.
So how about a conclusion from a woman who is experienced about
fat sex ? What I’ve covered here isn’t all there is to fat sex! (As you can
imagine!) I highly recommend the book I’ve linked: Big Big Love- A sex and
relationship guide for fat people